Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Patience's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004
10:36 pm	poetry [10:37 P.M.]::poetry update again.:: No need to explain this poem i just wrote it. Unpretty I'm unpretty to you, but beautiful to me, and yet I let you effect me. I don't know why. Your feelings over take me. The negativity seeps through my skin. Why? Because conformity has taken me over. I change my views, and doubt my stature. Am I not pretty? I look in the mirror. I evaluate my face. It's my eyes, and my lips. I think it's my nose. I start to pinch fat. I doubt my own security. It becomes routine. I can't stop myself. Soon your traits have taken me over. Has my own mind failed me? How can I do this to myself? I start to diet. Maybe this will change those pinches. I start wearing more makeup. This will surely change my eyes, and even my lips. Who knows, maybe my nose too. The diet gets severe. 'Maybe if I skip today of eating i will be skinny'. I think. 'Maybe If I rid this food from me I will get pretty'. I say. You're destroying me. It isn't a eating disorder I declare. It's a lie. A lie you have destroyed me in. A Lie I now strive and live for. I exercise vigorously. This will help. i start popping pills. Maybe this will help too. Why? Because the only truth I know is what you said. I didn't even know you, but I knew what you said. I knew I could change it. Being beautiful and skinny is worth dying for, I state as a reason to keep striving. I live on your words. Even though I know you speak only to hurt, it hurts, and you're why I am dying. FIN patience Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Daryl Wooley - I miss My Friend (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 18th, 2004
6:19 pm	poetry [6:19 P.M.]::new poetry:: Was sitting here waiting on Kyle to get back from the 'bank' so he says he went, and wrote this poem. I have no clue why it's just I heard the word and had to do it. Here it is: Unreachable I was sitting at the cliff. I thought of your grasp. The way you hit me. I thought of what it would be like, just to be loved. To be cherished by another. At this point I was unreachable. I rememeber the cold night at my house. You had yelled at me. I forgot why, but you did. I remember the slander you said towards me. I felt your knuckles. At this point I was unreachable. I awakened in such a pain. Lying, stiffly, trying to remember. What had happened? I remembered the wall. I remembered how you hit me. That was all. My eyelids closed. At this point I was unreachable. I got better. I came back to you willingly. Why I have no clue. You did it again though. I told no one. I could only cry. At this point I was unreachable. That was the night though. You wouldn't remember and neither would I. You hit me. In the back, then across the face. Something snapped. Something was going terribley wrong. I drifted. At this point I was unreachable. You stood there. I could hear you cursing yourself. I heard the door close. The sirens rang. I heard the neighbors. Then I heard the voice. I guess it was the medics. It rings in my ears. 'We're losing her!' At this point I was unreachable. I awoken. The light was so divine. I could feel the empathy sweep over me. Someone was there. I opened my eyes. I felt loved then. At this point I was reachable. really sad but it does ring a bell... don't know why. FIN -patience Current Mood: poetic Current Music: NONE! oh wow this is new.... (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 13th, 2004
9:35 pm	DIVA! [9:34 P.M.]::no subject:: Your Sign Is: Curves Ahead You've got a lot of sex appeal, but you don't overplay it. You know you're hot. And you don't have to prove it to anyone else. Instead of being the center of attention, you tend to lure your crush away from the crowd. It's hard work to get with you - but you are worth the effort. What's Your Street Sign? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva FIN patience Current Mood: quixotic Current Music: Keane - Somwehere Only We Know (Comment on this)
5:23 pm	WOO HOO! New Layout! [5:28 P.M.]::New layout new guy:: Okay well I got a new layout! I had to ... the other one was bugging me how ugly it was. This one is nice though... a cute little bumble bee that can't sting me! Woot. Anyways I tried another one called glitter and it was of a pretty pink manicured hand pushing a 'buggee' button on the keyboard, obviously symblolizing shopping. It was very badical, but I couldn't get it working right! Anyways the layout stuff is all said,done,and seen so lets move on to the more interesting part.... THE GUY! Well yes I met a new guy... really awesome and I think I kinda got a crush on him. I am not sure yet though because I do not want to start liking someone so soon so we will stay with crush. Crush is a good word. You don't like them yet you don't dislike them! Plus I have known him... forever!!, but never really talked to him until now. Quite a great guy... verrryy interesting.. .a true 'stud'. Hmm inside joke. nevermind. he lost my 'digits' the other day. Angered me so... then he asked for them again so I hope that is an okay sign. Of course it is!! DUH! [5:32 P.M.]::PILATES!:: Man I just been in the mood to workout lately. Dunno why really. I been doing my pilates and 150 crunches a day (want to start low... don't wanna wake up hurting) and weights. I have no clue why I feel like working out... I think it's one of them phases. Man I paid 50 dollars for that Winsor Pilates.... I BETTER be using them. Crap... [5:34 P.M.]::Old friends ,once again, new friends, and vice versa:: Well It seems me and Chelsee are getting close again which is GREAT! I really need a girl friend, since everyone else seems to have ditched me. I guess Chelsee, since we have known each other since 4th grade, is the only true person that understands my emotions change like my panties. I tend to get that 'hermit' mood once in a blue moon. I just feel like I don;t really HAVE to talk to people. On other stages I do want to talk to people. Actually I strive on it. If I hadn't talked to someone in this stage of my emotions I would get all depressed. Just because of the fact that I would be striving and baseing my live on social interation. Glad I am on meds. Hopefully this fixes. Very hopeful. Doubtful. Anyways lately me and my [insert name here] friend haven't talked much lately :'( very saddening because she/he is a great person and I feel like it is my fault. Oh well it will get better I know he/she is probably just busy lately. Totally understood. Well I'm going to go nother left to say! FIN -patience Current Mood: content Current Music: Keane - Somewhere Only We Know (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
12:58 pm	emotions, emotions, emotions! [12:59 P.M.]::Just something I felt like saying:: Okay well this is dumb I know, but the other night I had a terrible terrible depression spell that swept over me terribley. Well I started thinking about the people that mattered something to me at this point of time. Well I figured out... that it wasn't many people that were still here for me. I started thinking about the people that actually ARE here for me everytime I need them. Then I thought about the people I had lost.... that meant the world to me. The people that I still feel will remain with me for the rest of my life no matter what. The people that no matter , how hard I want to say I care no longer for them, have sculpted me in such a magical way. I started to think what if I was to die? What if the feeling I always had of me dying young comes true? Would the people I care about so much ever TRUELY know how I feel? No, because these are the people I fail to truely express my feelings to. Yes , I admited feelings to them, but I never truely told them how I felt about them in particular. These people should be recognised. Life is like a day on another planet.... no one truely knows when it will set. Trey- Of course you would be first. You are my heart really. The one person that I truely loved with everything. The kind of love in fairytales... but the weird thing is... this love was not a romantic love. This was pure love from the heart. a Kind of love I never thought I would encounter. Whenever I first noticed this love... It was something new. I had never cared for someone so much that romances could not even COMPARE to it. This was the love only you will hold with you forever. You will forever be the memory of the start of something new for me. I lost you, and when I did, I don;t think I ever TRUELY got over it. I don;t think I ever will. I still feel as if no one will ever know you like I did or understand you. Only I know that even when you say you hate your mom and your brother and them, you don't. You never did. You just say it because you get upset so easily. Only I truely know that you liked to hear me say big words. Everytime I would say something you didn't get you would make me stop and tell you what it means. Only I know that by the end of every day you said 'Learn something new everytime I talk to you' atleast 5 times. Only you understood that even though I always like to be right, you knew when I knew I was wrong, and you wouldn;t say anything to me about it after we argued 30 minutes we would just laugh and get over it. Even though it seemed you had closed the book for me, you had actually opened a whole new one. I will forever be reminded that Summer time was my time of a whole new story. Even though I say I care no longer for you, I will always care, and you will forever find love in me for you. Never let go of what you believe in so much Trey, because even though you hold back so much in fear, I know you might someday be truely happy. Thank you. Andy- Unlike Trey , you were my first real romantic love. I have no clue why, and I obviously still don't. You mean alot to me, but unlike most of the people I am going to mention... I have no clue why I feel this way for you. I like the way you are mean to me I guess. Not really mean, because I know that even though anyone else would think I was crazy, you were only playing when you said it because that is the only way you know how to. You always pull away from so much. I just wish that one day you might notice, not everyone is out to hurt you. Maybe there is better things out there. Turning to all of these things that you do won;t fil lthat emptiness inside. I know there is something missing inside for you. I can feel it everytime I am with you... whether it be love or just something I will never know of, you have a hollow spot. You can only fix this by opening the doors. Sometimes people really do mean what they say. Even though you have hurt me so much, I will always love you for what you have gave me and what you have taught me. Thank You. Daddy- You're my daddy... what can I say. You took care of me when no one else would. You loved me when I lost my best friend. You loved me when I lost my mother. You loved me when my sisters rejected me and shunned me. You loved me when everyone I thought that every loved me was gone. You truely are an inspiration to parents everywhere. You have helped me through everything I have ever been through, and mind you that's alot. You know how truely hard it is for me, and I know I am mean sometimes and I yell at you sometimes, but it is only because I am still fighting my own personal demons. I never mean to hurt you when I snap at you, and I know it hurts your feelings but I know you understand that my battle has not been won yet. Thank you. Mammaw- Oh how do I even start. You are the person who took the spot of my mother. When I had no one to turn to I could turn to you. Even though I don't talk to you alot I always had that connection with you. Lately we have seem to grow closer and I cherish it so much. I know you have alot of rough times with the family, and for that I admire you. You have made me such a strong person. Everytime I think of the day you won't be there anymore I cry. Just because I know that you have always loved me unconditionally even through my faults. You accepted me for everything and I know I do alot of things you don't accept, but you never treat me any different. I love you... more than you will ever really know. Thank you. Those people have changed and sculpted my life... and though they will never know how much I truely feel or what is even in this journal, i will know that I said it and I made it clear to the world, that though the rains brings new life, I have brought new meaning. [1:23 P.M.]:: wow baby-sitting :: MAN! baby sitting is such a hassle. My niece and nephew are here to stay a week while my sister is back in Biloxi because of personal problems, but Bre is a little BRAT! Gabe is such a doll though. She literally listens to NOTHING. I have to threatin to beat the snot from her for her to listen even a littler and even THEN she questions... BUT WHY BUT WHY?! blah blah blah! DON'T ASK WHY DAMMIT JUST ACCEPT IT! I love her though. I mean she is after all my first niece... but she is just such a spoiled brat. [1:26 P.M.]:: new friends and old :: I know there are alot of people I left out up there but those were just to the people I know would never know how I truely felt if I was to suddenly die or something. Please do not be upset if you are not up there, but if you aren;t then feel lucky because that means I actually still talk to you and you do understand that I love you even though I have my hermit times. Which I had had alot lately. I tend to hermit myself from others now. It's like I talk to no one then decide to talk to people again then stop. I hate it. I am sorry if I haven't talked to some people lately that used to talk to me all the time. I do still love you. I really think I am bi-polar people! LORDY! Oh yea... there is one new friend I want to say something about. Thank you... for everything... for putting up with ALL my crap yet you have only known me a month or so now... it really means alot to me to have someone here for me through this time of hermitism. You never made me feel inferior and hopefully never will. God speed to you. Hopefully with time the friendship will grow but obviously only with time. FIN -patience Current Mood: thankful Current Music: Try - Nelly Furtado (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 4th, 2004
2:29 am	new poem YAY! [2:30 A.m.]::new poem!:: I wrote this poem just because I was in the mood... not really because I was depressed just because I had that sudden urge to write and rhyme. The Key Remember when you found that key, and opened up my heart? But found such things that burdened me, so tore the key apart. You saw a picture of yourself, hanging on my wall. The burning of my fire, the hatred big and tall. You saw the ashes in the drawer, the secrets stored away. The fact that even if you left, somhow you would return some day. The key that you hated, would stay within your grasp. The torture of the jaded, kept humming in your past. You saw my wilted flowers. The way they didn't bloom, the way the birds started rageing, of lovers endless doom. You ran to find some shelter, but found none that was near, until you noticed that there was, a heart so close to here. The heart looked so familiar, and yet you was so lost. The heart kept steadily pounding, but never knew to stop. You step aside to think, yet the horror scared you so. You noticed once in bounty, the heart was yours, I know. Then you looked into the heart. Sometime shining in your eye. You saw a beautiful box, lying from inside. You reached your hand in hastily. In wonder what it was. Once you grasped the box, You pulled with all you could. You opened up the box, with the key you opened me, but what layed inside, was a memory forever be. You saw a withered soul. A heart that bled within. The scars around the surface, would never mend again. You knew whose heart this was. A tear run down your eye. This heart that you saw broken, that was placed in yours, was mine. It scarred you just a little, to see the damage you done, but then you got the riddle, my heart was yours, the story will never be done. So you stored away the key, because you knew you would someday see. That even if it scares you, the love for you lies in me. -patience (2 Comments |Comment on this)
12:03 am	!! CHAIN LETTERS !!! [12:04 A.m.]::Imput on chain letters:: A response to chainletters ... Hello, my name is Patience Dance. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch Of bullshit. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down) Make a wish!!! No, really, go on and make one!!! Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not that, you pervert!! Is your finger getting tired yet? STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes: *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a lot on your life. *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! Now go and be emo and hang yourself with your curtain. -patience Current Mood: annoyed yet mildly amused Current Music: Dip It Low- Christina Millian (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 29th, 2004
12:08 am	do not FEAR! my brain is here! :D [12:08 A.M.]::NEW BEST FRIEND!!:: Welll welll welllll... everything has been great lately actually. The meds seem to be working great and depression has only came in mild intervals! Grand well anyways... TO THE POINT! I have a new friend! Yep.... can;t say their name either. It's secret. SHHHH. Anyways. I am a tad on the hyper side but it's okay. Anyways [INSERT NAME HERE] has been a great friend lately. I talk to [INSERT NAME HERE]everyday I think. And when I don't talk to [INSERT NAME HERE]I feel bad cause I didn't [INSERT NAME HERE]. Wow so weird. I am so glad I have gotten over the trust issue. I mean I still don;t trust [INSERT NAME HERE] completely.... but enough. Enough where I can tell [INSERT NAME HERE] stuff. It's kinda hard being in a secret friendship because of matters, but it will work out eventually. HAHAHAHA! I am really toooo hyper to write I just wanted to update ya'll. I will ttyl. END -patience Current Mood: hyper Current Music: David Beddingfield - If You're Not the One (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 13th, 2004
9:32 pm	Goodbyes don't last forever. [9:32 P.M.]::sitting... thinking..:: Just sitting here, thinking. Mainly of how time has passed me by. Of how my life has went from fame to ruins in such little time. It really sucks to think about my past life and compare it to now. It seems then I had everything. Yet I never noticed it. Yesterday I played in the rain. I noticed the rain was similiar to my life. So lovely while it last, yet when it had came and took it's toll on our land, it becomes so ugly. Muddy really is the word. Dirty and muddy. Unclear. It always comes unacknowledged to. Since I don't watch the news.... it is unknown to me when it will arrive. My life in one simple paragraph. So clear and lovely, yet it can become so unclear in only a fraction of time. Storm clouds are depression I guess. Life and the Earth taking out it's anger. I guess the sky cries too. I mean seriously, have you ever just rode in the car and looked out the window, wondering, just thinking, whatever happened to child hood? Whatever happened to staying young forever? To forever be happy with just a rope and a board attach to a tree. Such little things impressed me then, and somehow, they still do. But somehow I know swinging on that old board swing will never be the same, because when I was little I was not forced to grow up. I had that twinkle of life in me... that screamed 'Life shall forever be my play toy and I shall forever love it.' It seems like always changes... [9:38 P.M.]::Once again a goal...:: I think I am going to start a book. A Book of phrases and poems and quotes that touch me. Moments in life I enjoy... or moments that hurt me. Maybe even thoughts that spring upon me at the spur of the moment. That is what I think I'll do. [9:39 P.M.]::Depression is terrible:: I started my pills again... and for a while they seemed to work. Now it seems I am depressed again. I wonder about life. What God wants me to do. I wonder why he won't make it clear to me. He doesn't seem to be giving me clues! I wonder mainly why I have no real friends anymore. The friends I cherished so dearly has left me. Mainly Trey. I actually cried a little while ago... just thinking of him. Matt had reminded me of him in some way. The way I wanted to argue with Matt. It reminded me of that feeling... the feeling I used to get with Trey when he always did things to upset me... just to hear me argue. He would tell me so, so often would he tell me. I think he enjoyed me argueing with him. He knew in the end we would laugh about it. I miss being in relationships. Matt made me notice how I have never really been with anyone that I loved and that loved me back. A One way love isn't the same. I miss being mad at someone but know I'm not really mad. I am just mad they were right, or mad of some stupid little thing that didn't matter. I miss not being able to hold someones hand. I miss loveing someone, no matter what the time. I have prepared myself so long for love, and yet it fails me. I feel like a failure in so many ways. They don't even grace the surface to begin with why I do. I guess I never pleased myself of how I thought I should be. I know who I am... I know who I should be, but what I don't know is what I will be or of what I am becoming. I sometimes question my sanity. Like lately when I get depress I actually wish death on myself. I am lost. I think I lost myself in dillusions. Dillusions of life. Life will always be there, but it seems I'm not always there with it. I found this poem... it really touched me today. It applies to me in so many ways, and I actually think God delivered it to me. Here it goes: Goodbye And so it comes just as it is, a day no longer here. And through my trembling fingertips, the memories of the year. I wave farewell to all our dreams. I will forget you never. I wonder if our crazy times, will stay with you forever. But as I cry in pain losing, my dear and such good friend. I will not close the book and say, "Farewell, this is the end." For goodbyes create swift hellos, and days from now you'll see, that though it hurts to say goodbye your friend I'll always be. wow. This is great. I told my mom in the car coming back from the Class of 2004 shit whatever that I really didn't feel like going to the graduation, then Nickie calls me telling me I am coming or she is going to bitch. Well WOOP DE FUCKING DO FOR HER! Then my dad comes in and tells me to get off my high horse. YAY! Go them. Another thing to rruin my life. Soon My sister, my best friend, will be gone, and I will have no one. Absoultely no one. You know. Suicide is so stupid I agree, but sometimes it seems like the only way out. -patience (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
1:54 pm	HAHAHAHA! You Are a Perfect Lay! All sorts of guys long to hook up with you, but your standards are set high. You don't just give it up to anyone, but when you do...they can't get enough of you! You have a knack for pleasing and receiving, and sex with you is never boring. Only problem is ~ they all seem to be falling in love with you... What Kind of Lay Are You? More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva do you understand how funny this site is? WOW! go to it , take some funny a quizzes, and love it! -patience Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 18th, 2004
11:59 am	Life is SO much better.... [11:59 A.M.]::Update time WOW!:: Okay so I haven't updated in a while and so much has happened. I got back on my meds, and you know, life really seems ALOT better. I am watching the real world right now. You know, every since I have been on my meds, I have only been depressed once and that was last night. It was the usual though. I wish I was prettier. I feel horridly ugly. Oh well, what can I say. It's me and if you don't like it then... oh well? Well lately I thought I liked someone. I THOUGHT I liked them. I do.... but not that much I guess. I don't know it's confusing... ecspecially the person. The closer I get to people the more I start to like them. That's my problem. I get attached to easily. I know i have no chance with this person WHAT so ever.... and I wasn't going to tell them... but some GIRL! not saying who... told him. BLAH. I was happy kind of but when I thought about it... I didn't want him to know really. I was just setting myself up. [12:03 P.M.]:: I was gal pals still!!:: Last night I hung out with Autumn some.... and you know... she really does rule. I wish I had a friend like her. Well a best friend to be exact. I want girl friends sooo bad. I am surrounded by tons of guys... and that's great. Really it is... they all rule. I just want a girl friend to spend time with. Sometimes you need a best friend of the same sex. Oh well. I guess I'll live without one. I miss Haley and Madi sooo much though. [12:06 P.M.]::Show last night RULED!:: The show last night RULED! Wow. It was great. I got to hang out with Anna, Skobe, Allen, Jeremy, Kelsey, Autumn, Holden, and so much more! We need to have more shows like that. FUN! I had a great great time with Anna and Kelsey! They made me feel so good. Anna kept laughing at me and I kept laughing at Kelsey. That girl is the bomb FOR SHIZZLE! She is so black I can't handle it. Britney was SO good. She sings like an angel. I hope Emily got the money she needed though. Really... she deserves it. She is a great girl. [12:08 P.M.]:: Spring break SUCKED!:: Tomorrow is school... and I really don't want to go back. I hate my school in all honesty. I'm not really friends with anyone there. Everyone is friends with me but I don't seem to find anyone there really special to me. I used to... but so many of them have hurt me. It really made me notice how much I don't want that. Shannon is the only one that hasn't really hurt me. I mean she did once... but didn't mean to. I guess I love her alot even though I don't always show it. She's great. I miss my sister... she has been gone allll week long in New York. I really miss her... I love my big sister. [12:10 P.M.]::I want a boyfriend :'( :: I really want a boyfriend... not just any boyfriend though. I want someone that is funny and sooo sweet. I really haven't found anyone lately that was exactly what I wanted. I really am ready for one of those relationships that last for months and years on end. I want a long-term relationship. I really am picky, and being really really ugly doesn't help. It makes it soooo much harder. I want someone that is trustworthy,sweet,funny, cute in some manner but nothing special, honest, commited.... wow so much more. I am so picky. I want someone to give me roses. This will never happen though. OH WELL! I am still a happy camper... atleast the pills make me think so. I'm going. Love you. Oh yea... I had the WEIRDEST dream last night... wow. -patience Current Mood: blank Current Music: If You're Not The One - Daniel Bedingfield (Comment on this)
Monday, April 5th, 2004
8:08 pm	Wow.... I hate this. [8:10 P.M.]::Everything is falling apart again.:: Wow lately seems terrible. I don't even know why. I have everything I wanted.... I had my loyal friends, good family life so far, and such forth. I mean yeah, I don't get to see my mom anymore... but that just means we can't fight anymore. I don't know. It's from this stupid a* depression. I really need to get back on my meds... maniac depression isn't good for anyone... and I hate it! I hate not being happy... a lot of people love to be sad, but I HATE it! I just feel lonely on the inside. It's mainly because of the Trey thing. I miss him a lot and you probably all know this already. I love him beyond words. I want my best friend back so bad. It hurts me like crazy... especially at night time. Depression seems to hit the hardest when you actually have time to sit down and think about it. It must have meant nothing to him. I'm not sure... maybe he does care. If I know him he will call in about 3 months saying he is sorry because Trey hates it when people hate him. I love my friends so much.... but I would give anything to have Trey back. I would give up everyone and everything. I can;t go on without him to talk to. We were suppose to go to college together. I was going to have a cat too, because he hates cats. I would have got a boy cat and named him Trey... just so it would bug him more. Maybe my ignorance is getting in my way. My trait of thought right now is 'maybe we will be friends again soon', but I know we won't. I know deep down inside... we will never be friends again. Maybe we will.... but I don't think God really wants me happy right now. He is putting me on trial for something I am so clueless of. If he wants me to do something for him I wish he would show me. I am too dingy to pick up on the clues he gives. They are too hard to notice! I can't notice all this stuff. I just can't. Too much in my way right now. School, Trey, Friends, depression. Maybe he wants me to drop it all. I have tried though... it just drops everything except depression and makes depression deeper and bigger. I'm not ready to leave my comfort zone and God is obviously asking me to do that. I just wish he would make it easier on me. That is selfish I know, but humans are selfish. I'm not perfect, and it's obvious. I'm far from it and many of you will agree. I am not even comfortable with myself. How can I deal with all of this and everything else if I can't even deal with myself? I don't even know myself. I am so disappointed in who I am. I am the only person ruining my life right now... It hurts so bad too. I hate this all. Suicidal thoughts have been burdening me so bad. I mean yea my past really doesn't help that, but it's this stupid depression. It seems that is the only way to go. I have no help anymore it seems. Yea friends are great, but sometimes they can't solve much. They just make you feel more comfortable with yourself... and make you forget your problems. Those problems will always be there though... even if they comforted me so much I would be in a trance of thinking my life is perfect. It's not though. Especially without Trey. I just wish I could tell him how much I love him, or someone else would tell him. He obviously doesn't notice how much he means to me. He was suppose to be my life time best friend. How could he hurt me so bad? I really wonder if he has a heart. Oh well... he will be sorry someday. He will feel terrible when he doesn't have me anymore. -patience Current Mood: maniac depression Current Music: Eamon - Don't Want You Back (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 4th, 2004
7:44 pm	Season Of Love [7:44 P.M.]::Another poem....: Yes! ANOTHER POEM! This one was written in response to Trey. Seasons of Love Sometimes I thought I loved you more than words. Sometimes always has to end, I guess. Like the winter season, it came and went. I still anticipated winter would have never ended, because if it hadn't, maybe we would still be as we were. I loved you in the winter, and I'll love you in the spring. Spring is allmost here. I watch the flowers begin to bloom. Their sweet scent reminds me of you. The song of the birds, filled with such joy, it reminds me of the great times we had. So much joy and love, now fills me with so much hate. I'll love you in the spring, and I'll love you in the summer. I dread summer. It's the time we met. That one summer day, when nothing seemed to be going your way. I helped you then. I had helped you plenty of times. You have helped me too. Summer time will be field with sorrow, but I'll love you in the summer, and I'll love you in the fall. Fall leaves are kind of like our friendship. So many colors, yet no matter what it is always the same leaf. Always the same things. You fell though. I stayed. I didn't want to be another fall leaf. I wanted to last forever. I'll love you in the fall, but I'll hate you in the winter. I'll love you no matter what, but I have to end somewhere. I'll be dead then. Dead on the inside. You have made my heart into ice. The birds will be gone, and the leaves will have died. The flowers will have withered, and so will my love for you. I Like it... I hope you do. -patience Current Mood: lonely Current Music: My Little Secret - Xscape (Comment on this)
5:16 pm	Semi-depressed... normal. [5:17 P.M.]::Wow I love Haley, Madi, Allen, Jeremy, and Skobe...:: Wow. Lately Has been grand. My real friends have been there... and I love it! Wow. It is so great. I am so lucky to have such great friends. That make my days so unexplicably grand. Me and Madi have gotten back to normal and now me and Haley are like BEST FRIENDS! Oh wow how it rules. Me and Allen talk more lately and me and Jeremy has gotten close since Trey isn't there anymore. And Oh how I still Love My skoberz... I always will too. Things have been kind of hazzy for me and him lately... but Skobe me and you know... you're the only black boi I'll ever love this much! Best friend forever bud. I think I got Jungle Feva'! hahaha. ANYWAYS! Haley and Madi has been there ALOT lately... it is easy to have girlfriends again. literally. One big happy family... and I love it. I forgot how easy it was to talk to some girls (SOME). They understand stuff better. Don't get me wrong, my male friends are off the hizzil!! They just can't give the same advice! And I mean like... who could like totally give like better advice on what bra to get and like what is totally in style still and woah. WOAH sorry, pause Heather called. Hold on. Wow she is upset. ANYWAYS! BACK! I had a valley girl moment up there. Like it? Yea I know you did! [5:42 P.M.]::Trey:: I have been really depressed here lately. Having Madi n Haley and all them good people has helped alot... but it still won't bring him back. I just wish he would talk to me. Atleast say goodbye and be honest with me. Honest for the first time that is. I miss him so much. It's so hard on me losing him. Jeremy is great... but he is no Trey. Trey was too much like me. He could read my mind. Literally he could probably finish my sentences. He has gotten to good for everyone lately. The other day I was talking to Jeremy, and hince me and Jeremy was just playing, and me and Jeremy told Trey to be quiet we didn't care, and Trey started going off about how he hates me. I had to let Jeremy go because I didn't want to cry on the phone with him. I just wish the love was still there instead of so much hate. He wil lthink of me someday though and he will be upset he lost me, yet I will have moved on allready. Hopefully It isn't like that. I think I am going to have to start taking my meds again. Which I don't want to... but they helped alot. My maniac-depression has been fullthrottle lately. I hate it too because you can barely say anything and I'll end up trailing off and withing 2 minutes I will have changed from 'So happy, nothing can stop me' to 'I wish life would end now.' It hurts alot and it sounds like I am just pulling for attention, but i'm not. I don't want your sympathy and I don't want your attention... I want my best friend back. I want someone to tell me the magic words to make all the pain stop... make everything that I feel for him disappear. It's weird being in Love with him, but not the intimate type of love. I'm not used to that. It hurts alot more... it seems atleast. Well I am depressed like usual and don't feel like rambeling on any longer. -patience Current Mood: depressed Current Music: You'll Think Of Me - Keith Urban (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 1st, 2004
8:43 pm	HAHAHAHAH! ORANGE OPERRRATION! [8:14 P.M.]:: I love my Haley n Madi hahahaha:: Wow I have gotten so close to Haley n Madi. Me and Madi are getting back to normal and me and Hakey are forming a friendship. Madi wants us to spend the night tomorrow... I hope the plan goes through. I really want to. Anyways here is a funny convo between me n Haley. haLeyXmAy (8:27:49 PM): lol SunLiteBrownEyes (8:29:02 PM): i am operating on my orange haLeyXmAy (8:29:14 PM): Anna said to im her! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:29:33 PM): kay hold on lol SunLiteBrownEyes (8:29:39 PM): tell her i am operating on my orange haha haLeyXmAy (8:29:42 PM): okay SunLiteBrownEyes (8:30:28 PM): i just took out it's seeds haLeyXmAy (8:30:33 PM): lol SunLiteBrownEyes (8:30:34 PM): wow that was tricky SunLiteBrownEyes (8:30:41 PM): now it is time to... EAT IT! haLeyXmAy (8:30:49 PM): is it going to make it Dr. Dance? haLeyXmAy (8:31:14 PM): is the orange going to be alright??? :-\ SunLiteBrownEyes (8:31:18 PM): nope... i had to abolish the project SunLiteBrownEyes (8:31:20 PM): it died SunLiteBrownEyes (8:31:26 PM): it is in the stomach juices heaven haLeyXmAy (8:31:40 PM): :'(that was my only child..my life SunLiteBrownEyes (8:31:43 PM): I HAV ANOTHER PATIENT! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:31:47 PM): no way SunLiteBrownEyes (8:31:49 PM): it had a twin haLeyXmAy (8:32:19 PM): well in that case..is my other baby going to make through? SunLiteBrownEyes (8:32:42 PM): i'll have to see SunLiteBrownEyes (8:32:50 PM): it is pretty bad right now! haLeyXmAy (8:33:07 PM): oh man please save it! PLEAS! I'M BEGGIN YOU!! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:33:19 PM): ILL TRY! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:33:24 PM): it has a big seed though haLeyXmAy (8:33:31 PM): :'( SunLiteBrownEyes (8:33:43 PM): woah!! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:33:46 PM): it has 2 seeds SunLiteBrownEyes (8:33:48 PM): this is tricky SunLiteBrownEyes (8:33:51 PM): i got one! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:34:19 PM): WOAH SunLiteBrownEyes (8:34:20 PM): 3 SunLiteBrownEyes (8:34:29 PM): i got the second one.. lets hope this one goes well SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:05 PM): YAYA!! A SUCESS! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:08 PM): SUCCESS** haLeyXmAy (8:35:17 PM): yes! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:17 PM): now let me just sew up SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:20 PM): and ill be SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:29 PM): OMGAH!! I DROPPED MY TWEEZERS IN IT!!! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:34 PM): ahhh beep beep BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! haLeyXmAy (8:35:36 PM): =-O SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:37 PM): ahh it is dying SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:38 PM): CLEAR SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:45 PM): BALUMP! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:51 PM): beep beep BEEEP!! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:52 PM): ahhh! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:55 PM): CLEAR!! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:35:57 PM): BALUMP! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:36:02 PM): beep beep BEEEEEEEEEEEEP! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:36:06 PM): ah no :'( we lost it haLeyXmAy (8:36:11 PM): :'( SunLiteBrownEyes (8:36:30 PM): i want you to know miss haley... i am not a certified docter... but i did stay at a holiday inn last night!! haLeyXmAy (8:36:38 PM): lmao! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:36:41 PM): hahahahahahaha SunLiteBrownEyes (8:36:47 PM): i am peeing my orange i just ate SunLiteBrownEyes (8:36:49 PM): that was funny haLeyXmAy (8:36:58 PM): hahahahaha yes yes it was! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:37:12 PM): yum your kid is good haLeyXmAy (8:37:54 PM): yes they're better with a lil hint of salt haLeyXmAy (8:37:57 PM): lol SunLiteBrownEyes (8:39:07 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHA SunLiteBrownEyes (8:39:12 PM): this belongs in a funny bank haLeyXmAy (8:39:16 PM): hahaha haLeyXmAy (8:39:50 PM): yes it does SunLiteBrownEyes (8:40:08 PM): OH NO! I HAVE TO TINKLE SunLiteBrownEyes (8:40:14 PM): i will hold it til i update my journal haLeyXmAy (8:40:30 PM): Don't tinkle in those pants missy! SunLiteBrownEyes (8:40:51 PM): EHHH I JUST SWALLOWED A SEED!!! AHHHH! haLeyXmAy (8:40:58 PM): =-O hahahah BYE ALL! -patience Current Mood: amused Current Music: Are You Happy Now? - Michelle Branch (Comment on this)
Monday, March 29th, 2004
9:48 pm	New Poem [9:48 P.M.] ::new poem:: So I wrote a new poem... anyone who knows me knows who it is about really. Atleast they should. It could really only be directed toward one person anyways! Here it is.. I hope you like it. He's No You. I look in his eyes, and can see his world. He tells me it belongs to me. For some reason, I know it's true. What he doesn't know is, my world belongs to someone else, and his is going to be crushed. I know that whenever he kisses me, it won't compare to that first time you did. Or when he holds my hand, it won't give me the same shiver of ecstasy. No matter how hard I try to pretend, He's No You. I knew I would crush him. Just like you crushed me really. The same way I knew it would happen, because your world was never mine. But mine is always yours. I know love is a game. Sometimes I like to pretend I have won it. I know I haven't. No one can, I don't think. We're all players in the pawn of life. Almost like a God monopoly game. We just hope not to go bankrupt. He help my hand and told me he loved me. I was left behind on the answer. I starred away. He saw it. The hurt, the anger, all of it. Somehow I knew he would, and hoped he did. He embraced my face, and repeated his words. I let a tear flow. Not because I was happy, or even overjoyed, but because I knew I had said the same to you, and got the same look. I knew I would crush him. I retained my hand from his. I had to tell him, yet some reason I didn't. I told him I loved him too. Right then I knew his world had been crushed, because the next day I would have to tell him, I don't love him, because He's No You. Okay okay. I know it is all ugghy and stuff... but hey... it was from the heart. -patience Current Mood: In Love Current Music: Breathe - Michelle Branch (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 27th, 2004
7:59 pm	last night ruled. [7:59 P.M.]::from the beginning:: Well I went to Skobe's early around 5:30 because my sister had to work. It started at 7. We met them up at the bowling alley and I found out me and Skobe had to stay there til 7 because his mom was still cleaning. Well we did. The first thing I did was made a flower crown. Then me and SKobe got on these cool football player thingies that rocked. We had a bet going on what color Jeremy's mom's van was... I am glad we dropped it... I would have lost. Anyways we played on this old broken down opstical course thingy. His mom came at 7 and when we got to his house Jeremy Bird, Courtney Harris, and Berry Caroll were allready there. By the way, everyone should know Courtney RULES! Anyways. We mainly just sat around til Seth Landry, Josh Graves, Haley Kelly, and Allen Spurlock came. When they got there it was boring at first but we soon came around.Haley, Courtney, and me went outside because it was hot in the house and of course... everyone followed! Well we went to this baseball field thing can may I say we had a ... hump fest? In the announcers stand. It was fun. All 9 of us had a fake orgy. It was great. Anyways we soon got bored of that and ran around some. Skobe told Courtney, Haley, and me that some people beside him was dead and yet there light was ALWAYS on. Well Haley, Courtney, and me decided to go see if he was lying and rung the doorbell... well that didn't work so me and Courtney went to ring the other one and the porch light thingy came on! We screamed and ran. Come to found out it was a SENSOR light! Well we are still not sure if they were dead or not.... Skobe probably lied!! Well later on Josh and Jeremy ran down the road in their BOXERS!! It was effin funny because some cars came by and they just held thier crotch and waved!! HAHA! We tried to hitch hike a ride from every car that came along. Me and seth that is. Seth started chasing the cars! It was funny. Well then we had a kissing frenzy. Everyone was spreading love. Josh gave the best kisses though. Baby butt lips. haha. Anyways that night had to be the BEST! It didn't even end there! Jeremy, Allen, and Skobe and them made some Earl's Fishing music. It was so fun.  Well Seth and them had to leave. It sucked they had to leave. Oh and by the way, Haley Kelly is UBBER COOL! Wow she rules my socks. FUN girl you are! Anyways when they left the party hadn't ended. Jeremy, Courtney, Berry, Skobe, and me had sooo much fun. Well first me and Courtney went outside and stuff and Jeremy followed us outside. We were acting fools. Then we went to the ballfield again when everyone came back outside. Me and Courtney laid in the streets and Jeremy laid on us. It was funny cause we was praying a car wouldn't come. Well later on we were all wore out. I laid on the couch and so did Courtney and Skobe. Well Jeremy decided he wanted to spoon with me. So we spooned. Then Berry wanted to spoon. So I had Berry legs and Jeremy legs all over me and they was humping each other and humping me... and it was just chaos. FUNNY though. Well we went to bed and the next day was tickle war full throttle! Skobe, Jeremy, Courtney, and me all tickeled someone. Berry didn't though. BOOOO. It was fun. Well I went home at 3 and I wish I could have stayed longer. Now Jeremy and Skobe and I think Berry are at the show. I Wish I could have gone but I wasn't going to ask. It is inpolite. By the way It was nice meeting Josh and Courtney. Courtney is a great girl. I hope we become good friends. Josh is just too cute. He is a great guy. Nice as can be, but by the way, you left your white jacket thingy shirt thingy at Skobe's! It smelt like FLOWERS! YUMMMM! [8:12 P.M.]::Seth & Allen:: Wow. I am so happy I talk to Seth again. He is such a great friend. He is probably like 'WOAH! My own SECTION! weird...' but it isn't like that people. He has been there for me for a long time, and I hope he is still there for a long tim to come! I am just glad we got back to talking really. Oh and by the way I am sorry I bit you. You stole my money though! And I am sorry about the Pepsi thing! HAHA. SOOO SORRY! Allen is Awesome too. I hope we become better friends. He is such a great guy. Any girl would be lucky to sink their paws into him. Let me find out you treat him wrong though and it's your butt. Allen is such a great person in general. We don't talk much face to face but that will change with time I am sure. Last night with him ruled though. I am glad he had a good time and was happy!! Well I am going to go but before I do... you must know... that Patience got the moves that make the booty go CLAP!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAH! -patience Current Mood: happy Current Music: Yeah - Usher (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 21st, 2004
3:16 pm	Oh yea I forgot... [3:17 P.M.]:: I forgot this poem a while back:: I wrote the poem about a week ago. Mainly when I was dreading the loss of Trey. I still miss him but I notice there REALLY isn't anything else I can do. This is my first poem that doesn't rhyme so it sucks to a point, but then again, it is a personal poem that touches me. Goodbye Or Not? I still smell you. The scent of your clothes. I hugged you for the last time, grasping, hopeing, it wasn't goodbye. I still grasp and hope. I'm still not sure. Is it goodbye? Or is it another joke. Another joke that hurts. So intently it settles. It settles on my heart. Like a wave of unsureness. I can hear the t.v. static. Now I know why they call it snow. Is it goodbye? Do you really not care anymore? I think I should know. I deserve to know. You should know too. The loneliness drapes over me. Like the static of the t.v. I am being draped with the snow, the snow of loneliness. Is it goodbye? I don't think I should have to remember it. Atleast not like this. So much hate. Just tell me it isn't goodbye... Okay... that's it. -Patience Current Mood: confused Current Music: Darryl Worley - I Miss My Friend (Comment on this)
1:15 pm	QUIZES! WOOO! [1:16 P.M.]::QUIZZES!!: Your True Nature by llScorpiusll Username The quality that most appeals to you: High Social Status / Wealth In a survival situation, you: Freak out Your hidden talent is: Resourcefulness Your gift is: Cunning In groups, you: Feel uncomfortable Your best quality is: Your sensuality Your weakness is: Your overweening arrogance Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! What Makes You Sexy? by eva71 Name/NickName Gender Sexy Body Part Is Your Boobs Special Talents Are Stalking Your Prey Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! Your Love Situation by Amberishjewel Username? Your Love Is... Rough During Lovemaking You Act... Like a child, always playing Your Partner Is... Your master Your Partner Has Said That You... Are a great lover Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote. "Play is not for kids alone" Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! What is your emo band name? by spiralinghalo Your band name is: Pancho the Tiger You sound like: Hot Water Music You will be signed to: Deep Elm Records Your emo lyrics are: "I cry for every tear you make me produce" Name: Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! The World Is MINE! by Demonac Name: You will conquer: every Springfield in the USA (now where's Evergreen terrace? One of these has to be the right one...). Your title will be: Overlord You will succeed by: Creating a brilliant computer virus. Your Enforcers will be: Greenpeace (they may not be tough... or do ANYTHING... but at least they are expendible). Your first act as ruler: Invest in Microsoft. (What happened after) Try "The World Was Yours! What Happened?" MEME to find out! Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! The World Was Yours! What Happened??? by Demonac Name Abused your power by Making your subjects watch a 27-part mini-series about your life Until Bob Barker ... Drank you under the table. And adding insult to injury They turned your former Throne Room into a daycare. But now, after all that, you are working as a "control group" to determine exactly how much stretchier Jim Carrie's face is than a normal human. (How did you conquer?) Try "The World Is MINE!" MEME to find out! Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0! Disorder Rating Paranoid: High Schizoid: Moderate Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: Moderate Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Moderate Avoidant: High Dependent: High Obsessive-Compulsive: High -- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- YAY! :D -Patience Current Mood: quixotic Current Music: 12 Gauge Valentine (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 20th, 2004
9:37 pm	Wow... GRAND TIME! [9:38 P.M.]::Last night RULED!:: Wow... last night ruled. I went to my first show with Jeremy,Skobe,Dylan, Berry, and Jeremy's awesome mom. I was happy I got to go also... it was fun. Well I got there around 7 and I felt weird... I didn't know a soul, and the people I did know I hadn't seen in eons. Well the first person that came up to me and said hey was Josh Gross. It was nice... he is a very cool guy. I hope I get to know him better so I can actually say he is awesome... and have room to say it! Anyways then the whole 12 gauge band (individually that is) came up and told me how cool my shirt was. See I was wearing THEIR shirt. I had to support my peoples... werd! Well I met Kevin Hutchison... I hope that is how you spell his last name. I hadn't seen him in about what? 9 years?! Big wow. He kept thumping and pinching my hiney. I bet I have a bruise. I will have to inspect my hiney later. Well I started to open up after the first band came on and played. I think it was Beauty Within that played first? Yea... they ruled. Well anyways after that we hung out and me and Jeremy went down to Maccy D's. We jumped in the bushes and skipped. It was fun. Jeremy rules. Well me and Jeremy decided we didn't want to miss Letter 12 play so we went back. To our luck the crappy acoustic band was still playing. They wasn't crappy... it's just I don't really LIKE acoustics. Well Letter 12 played and they rocked. I got thier button and cd WOOT WOOT! After that 12 gauge played.... They was just... wow... no words. I can't wait to go to their next show. Well I got Jonathon Webster to sign my shirt... which was very great. He seemed not so nice to me. He just didn't really care all that much. He might havew had a bad night... no clue. Anyways After that The Burning Issue played and they RULED also. Skobe kept making me feel good. Lots of hugs. I'm glad I got to hang out with my ole buddy ole pal. It's just something about those black kids... once you go black you never go back, huh Skoberz? Anyways Momma Tam got a new tatoo also. It ruled. Well Jon Green was extra nice to me and Coop didn't say much of ANYTHING to me... oh well. Anyways I wanted the whole band to sign my shirt but I didn't have a marker and Josh came up to me and was like can I sign your shirt too PLEASE? Of course I wasn't going to turn him down! He rules. I told him yea but I didn't have a marker. Well he was like 'I'LL FIND ONE!' and dashed off into the cafe. Unfortunately he couldn't find one.Which means... he will have to next show :D! MUWHAHAHA. That means I HAVE to go... of course. Next show I know of is the 27th? I think? If anyone knows about it tell me... or has a ride... tell me. Alltogether. Last night ruled. I'm pretty sure I forgot alot of stuff because my memory is like BLAH. Allen was there. He was great. He gave me a nice hug which made me feel good. All I need is a big hug and I seem to open up! Jon Green gave me a hug bye which made me feel good also. I mean come on... people who give hugs CAN'T suck... they all rule! OH YEA! Jeremy has to burn my Leytter 12 cd... oh he better give it back or imma kick his cute little hiney! [9:51 P.M.]::My sister took me out today WOOO:: My sister came and got me today cause she wanted me to go to Super One and all that other stuff with her. On her way there I saw the duet... Keith and Josh. They drove by us. I wasn't sure it was them but I just talked to Josh and he assured me it was him. GRAND. Anywhose We couldn't get ahold of Rache Little so we went and chilled like the great sisters we are... sometimes. Did I mention Kevin is a sexy little bugger? Looks just like his brother but with blonde hair. His brother is quite sexy himself. RAWR! There was many others too but I dare not state the names for I know they had girlfriends. We went to Shawn P.'s house also. His mother rules. We sat there and Shawn , Ryan, and Brandon L. came back home. Brandon kept looking at me and giving me that little look. Wonder what was up with that? Hopefully something good... or either I had something on my face I was unaware of. Which was probably the case. Only the good Lord above knows. Well altogether I had a fun time with her. [9:54 P.M.]:: I miss Trey still....:: Well me and Trey still haven't talked. I really really miss him and love him. I wish he noticed how much I love and miss him. This is probably the end of that friendship though. The friendship which I charished so dearly. I hate to admit it but I know it is all true. I don't want to get depressed because I am happy... so I am going to stop writing. Until next time. Goodbye. -Patience Dance Current Mood: happy Current Music: Switchfoot - Meant To Live (Comment on this)